D.’s Tax-A-Lot Stimulus Package

Written By D.

Yep, you guessed it, more Tax-A-Lot tongue in cheek.


Stimulus Plans …The Dems have one, The GOP has one, Rush has one, so hey, why not me? I’m a citizen and taxpayer too ya know.

Here is my proposal; BAILOUT EVERYBODY.

As you can see, I prefer simple plans, so here’s how it works;

We mail special ATM Stimulus cards to everyone in Tax-A-Lot. Whenever anyone needs money they simply go to the closest Tax-A-Lot ATM machine punch in their SSN – “Stimulus Security Number” (formerly known as Social Security Number) enter the amount they need and presto the money machine comes alive!

Think of it, no more poverty … everyone will be wealthy. There will be no need for socialized medicine because everyone will be able to afford healthcare. No need for Social Security, Welfare, Medicare, Medicaid, Subsidized Loans for College and no one will need a mortgage so bye, bye Fannie and Freddie. We won’t even need banks. Think what it will do to lower the crime rate. We will all live in mansions, have big screen HDTV, drive Lamborghini’s and eat Caviar whenever we feel like it. Just one long bailout bash.

Now I know it will be hard for the government to print money as fast as we withdrawal it, so I propose the new ATM machines be equipped to print it on the fly. Problem solved!

O.K. - There is a downside to my plan, but there is always a downside in every plan. Since no one will have to work in Tax-A-Lot a few problems might arise; there will be no taxpayers to pick up the tab and it will be impossible to find a plumber, but it's impossible to find one now so nothing will change much. I don't want to get defensive but the Dems came up with their flawed plan in ten minutes and why should I spend more time on my plan they did on theirs? And, just like them, I'll work out the problems later.

You know, the truth is, we can’t afford any of the other plans either but at least my plan really spreads the wealth around.

So, isn’t it just the greatest plan ever?